I’ve been meaning to write a post on this for a while, and, sat here in a bedroom I can barely afford to live in and thinking of all of the things I need to do, I thought now would be the perfect time to write it.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Really overwhelmed. Because one day things are blissful and perfect and you’re at complete ease with your thoughts and self, but then the next day is a hurricane of ‘oh shit, I forgot to do that’, ‘I have an assessed audition at university in two weeks that I completely forgot about’, ‘my room is a mess and it’s giving me a bad vibe’ and ‘how am I going to afford food before my next student loan comes in?’.
And I can never finish this post – I’ve been holding it back for two months. I get up to this point and wonder where I’m actually going with it.
Two days later, I think I now know how to finish it. I spend too much time with ideas in my head of what I want to do and what I want to achieve but I can’t place the ideas down and this, as a result, gets me down. This then leads to me having zero motivation to actually complete the things I really need to do. I’m constantly in a vicious cycle with my own lack of self-motivation.
It’s even harder because the things I need to do were once things I wanted to do – but they’re not so glamorous anymore.
I always imagined this post to have a big resolution at the end of it to make everything okay but I’m not too sure if things like this will ever have a resolution. Maybe I’ll always feel the need to want something I can’t have right in this moment. But isn’t that normal?